this is the question i've been asking myself ever since someone asked me a few days ago. i was at a rush event for a professional fraternity, and i was talking to a bunch of the brothers. i found it so easy to talk to all of them, and had no problem coming up with answers to any question they threw at me. this was probably because many of them weren't professional questions, just about interests and general biographical information. but then the last brother i talked to before i left asked me this question, and for the first time in this entire hour, i had no idea what to say back to her.
i've been thinking about this now, and to be honest, i can't think of one thing in particular that sets me apart. however, i've thought of several qualities that, when in combination, completely separate me from the rest.
1. i'm dedicated, and extremely hardworking. when i want something, i do it, no matter what. i go above and beyond the call of duty when trying to achieve a goal.
2. i am the best friend you will ever have. my friends' happiness is extremely important to me, and i will do whatever i can to make sure that they stay happy, safe, and level-headed in every way. i can empathize with a million different types of situations, and i think that helps me be an even better person.
3. i am ridiculous, in the best possible way. i can be strange and crazy at times, and i'll probably say things i shouldn't, but hey, at least i know how to be entertaining.
4. i have a very good moral compass. i know my rights from my wrongs, and i always strive to do the right thing, even if it will affect me negatively. i believe in karma, and maybe not now, but one day i'm going to be rewarded for all the good things i've done. everyone gets theirs in the end.
5. i've been hurt over and over and over again. i've been stabbed in the back and i've had my heart ripped from my chest, but i still believe there's good in everyone. i always have faith in people, no matter what they may have done to me.
6. i am genuine. no bullshit. what you see is what you get. i particularly look for that in people, but it's so much more rare than one would think.
..and at the end of the day, i can live with this.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
regret.
i've never really had regret before. of course i wish some things hadn't happened at the time they had, but usually i always find a way to take something positive from the situation as a lesson to learn. and with practice, i had become very good at it up until now. but for the first time ever, i am filled with regret. painful, heartwrenching regret. and i hate it.
i've never felt this way before. i'm trying my best to get past the situation, as it has been dragged out for so long that it's starting to interfere with my life. for some reason, i can't take anything from this experience that has been positive. at least, not right now. at the moment, to be perfectly honest, i'm miserable. i can't remember the last time i felt this upset over anything, or anyone. i'm usually someone that, even if something frustrating is going on in my mind, can keep it inside and put on a happy face for everyone. but for some reason, i find myself incredibly vulnerable, even moreso than i thought i was capable of being.
i don't know how to get past it. there isn't really much i feel like i can do but directly express my feelings to the person that has made me feel this way. but at the same time i feel like it's too late, like i'm being irrational, and as though there is no other way out of the situation but to live with it, hopelessly hoping my intense emotions will just eventually deteriorate until i'm okay again someday in the future. but until whichever comes first, i'm stuck writing about it. i've talked the situation to death with any of my friends who will listen to me at this point, and i know it's probably weighing down on them too. so until things get better, i'm cathartically taking it out on my blog. i know it's been forever since i've written, and i've now interrupted the 30 day challenge that has turned into several months' time, but i felt it was necessary that i get my feelings out on a different medium of expression. maybe it'll help more than i think it will. at least, that's what i'm hoping for.
i've never felt this way before. i'm trying my best to get past the situation, as it has been dragged out for so long that it's starting to interfere with my life. for some reason, i can't take anything from this experience that has been positive. at least, not right now. at the moment, to be perfectly honest, i'm miserable. i can't remember the last time i felt this upset over anything, or anyone. i'm usually someone that, even if something frustrating is going on in my mind, can keep it inside and put on a happy face for everyone. but for some reason, i find myself incredibly vulnerable, even moreso than i thought i was capable of being.
i don't know how to get past it. there isn't really much i feel like i can do but directly express my feelings to the person that has made me feel this way. but at the same time i feel like it's too late, like i'm being irrational, and as though there is no other way out of the situation but to live with it, hopelessly hoping my intense emotions will just eventually deteriorate until i'm okay again someday in the future. but until whichever comes first, i'm stuck writing about it. i've talked the situation to death with any of my friends who will listen to me at this point, and i know it's probably weighing down on them too. so until things get better, i'm cathartically taking it out on my blog. i know it's been forever since i've written, and i've now interrupted the 30 day challenge that has turned into several months' time, but i felt it was necessary that i get my feelings out on a different medium of expression. maybe it'll help more than i think it will. at least, that's what i'm hoping for.
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